


Worth It To Me

by xonceinadream



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-04
Updated: 2013-06-04
Packaged: 2017-12-13 22:30:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/829604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xonceinadream/pseuds/xonceinadream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine's felt worthless his whole life. Kurt started feeling worthless when his soulmate started sleeping around on him. When they meet, they slowly fall in love and reassure the other of just how much they're worth.<br/>Prompt: Everyone is born with the name of their soulmate on their body. People are taught to wait to have sex until they meet there soulmate. When someone loses their virginity, their name on their soulmate's hand will turn red. It's a little known fact that whenever one soulmate has sex with someone else it causes their soulmate physical pain. Kurt and Blaine have each other's names. Kurt wants to save himself. But Blaine has low self esteem so he sleeps around desperate for validation. Afterwards he always hates himself so he sleeps around to feel better it's a vicious cycle...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Worth It To Me

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a [prompt](glee-kink-meme.livejournal.com/40066.html?thread=55034754#t55034754) on glee-kink-meme on livejournal.

Blaine Anderson knows that he's destined to be with Kurt Hummel someday. Someday the universe will make sure that he meets him and they will be drawn to each other. They are designed to be together, born to specifically make the other happy. If they are lucky then they will fall in love but eventually they'll get married and if they'd like they'll adopt children. Blaine knows this. He's known it since he was young when he found the words written in white on his skin. His parents had told him since he was young about how the universe works.

As the years pass, though, his parents slowly stop telling him stories. When he's 8 years old and Cooper moves out of the house he begs Cooper to take him with him. Life at home sucks. Cooper takes a pitying look at him though and leaves. "It'll be okay, Blaine," he tells him, his hand hard on Blaine's shoulder. Blaine doesn't believe him, just looks at Cooper with sad eyes. 

Cooper calls sometimes. He tells Blaine about his home and tells Blaine that when Blaine is 18 he can come live with him. Blaine can hear the guilt in his voice but it doesn't make things okay. In school, Blaine gets bullied for being gay and for being weak. He's short and not as strong as some of them. He joins the choir and gets bullied because he's even gayer than they thought to sing like that.

When he transfers to Dalton it's only marginally better. With the no tolerance policy in place they can't say anything to his face so they whisper it behind his back. He's not good enough to be one of them. The Warblers love him and they defend him because damn, can he sing but it's not enough. Blaine constantly feels like he has something to prove.

He loses his virginity to one of the older boys. He doesn't know how much older just that he's experienced and he has a leer when he looks at Blaine. "Whoever your soulmate is, he can't do it for you like I can," he murmurs, his lips pressed against Blaine's ear.

It's like a bucket of cold water, hearing about his soulmate and he visibly stiffens. _Kurt Hummel_. He's supposed to wait for him. They're supposed to lose their virginity to each other. Then the older boy gives him a look that lets Blaine knows what he's thinking. Just a stupid little gay boy. Worthless. Not even his own parents love him. Blaine knows that the older boy is right. He can make him feel good. Blaine can tell he's experienced.

There's no more hesitation as he lets himself be lead away.

**

The first time that the name on Kurt's forearm burns is when he's 15 years old. It's late in the school year and he doesn't realize what's happening at first. The pain spreads quickly, burning him and he lets out a muffled yell, thankful that his father isn't home. The spark of pain only last a moment, dulling to an ache and he abruptly realizes where it came from. The tears in his eyes are immediate when he sees that the curvy letters of Blaine Anderson on his arm had turned red. Blaine Anderson had slept with somebody else. _His_ Blaine Anderson had slept with somebody else.

Kurt covers up the name as best as he can but it's hopeless. Word spreads around school and the jocks enjoy it too much. They now have so much more to make fun of him for. His soulmate, _his_ soulmate couldn't wait for him. He wasn't good enough to wait for. He wishes that he has a friend that he can confide in or talk to but he's an outcast. They all _hate_ him and he hates himself. He is nothing. They're right. His own soulmate couldn't even wait for him. He is worthless.

The worst part, the part that he tries hard to keep hidden, is that Blaine doesn't just sleep with one person. Every time he sleeps with somebody, Kurt can feel it. Kurt does the research, wanting to know about the pain and finds the little known fact, widely classified as a rumor, that whenever somebody sleeps with somebody not their soulmate, their soulmate can feel it. It hits him like a freight train before it fades and he's left feeling like he has the flu. It happens often, so often and Kurt cries into the night, cries because Blaine is supposed to be his but isn't. Kurt is thankful that it rarely happens at school. He doesn't want them to know how much his soulmate can't wait for him.

**

Blaine falls much too easily into a vicious cycle. The second the sex with the boy, Blaine still doesn't know his name, is over he feels guilty. He knows that it's ridiculous but it feels like his soulmate is in pain. His soulmate, his Kurt, is probably ashamed of him and he remembers with a start that his name will have changed color on Kurt's arm. Kurt will know. Kurt will _know_ , probably does know at this moment.

Blaine groans, his hands hard over his eyes. He doesn't know what to think. The thought of meeting Kurt, of being with somebody, is so far off and yet it seems so important now. Until they meet, Kurt will look at the name of his soulmate and know that he is nothing. It makes him feel even more worthless than before.

Ignoring the boy calling his name (Blaine takes only a moment to wonder how he knows it), Blaine runs out. He intends to head to his bedroom but he detours, throwing up everything he had eaten that morning. He is worthless and nothing and now his soulmate, now Kurt knows it. It hurts and it pains him and two days later when another one of the boys approaches him he's ready. "Ron told me you're a good fuck," the boy says.

Blaine looks at him, letting his eyes fall closed for only a moment. He hates himself. In that moment as he stands up, intending on going with him into his room, he hates himself more than he's ever hated himself before.

**

Kurt grows accustomed to the pain. He wonders if the fact that the pain never happens during school hours is evidence of Blaine being in school. He tries not to think of Blaine. He doesn't care anymore. Before, he had spent hours thinking of him. He had wondered what he was like, how old he was. Kurt had wondered what color hair he had and whether he would be okay with "Come What May" being the first song they danced to at their wedding.

Everything Kurt had pictured had been a lie, though. Now he knows. He knows better and he doesn't let himself get disillusioned. The jocks and everybody else are right. He's worthless. Even his soulmate won't wait for him. He's not worth waiting for.

A year later, he joins the Glee Club, needing something to take his mind off of Blaine. Besides, he loves singing and he's good at it. They don't become friends easily but when they are, he invites Mercedes, Tina and Rachel over for a sleepover. He opens up to them completely, not bothering to muffle his screams when he feels the pain coming. His father is accustomed to it and he explains it for the girls through gritted teeth.

Kurt wants to cry when they just hug him. It means something for them to love him, even if he's worthless. "You'll always have us, Kurt," Rachel promises. Kurt just looks at the name on her arm and wonders if she'll still feel that way after she meets this "Jesse St. James."

**

Blaine doesn't know what to do with himself. He tries. He sings his heart out with the Warblers. He rehearses and practices but he can't stop. He's known around school now. He's the school _slut_. Everybody knows that if they want a quick fuck to come to him. Of course, most of them don't. Most of them are _good_. Most of them wait for their soulmates. The ones who don't are the ones who come back over and over again.

Late at night, Blaine lays in bed, traces the name that he knows is on his skin even though he can't see it in the dark. He wonders about Kurt. He wonders what he's like and what he wears and whether he enjoys trashy reality shows the way that Blaine does. He wonders if Kurt is disappointed to have such a worthless soulmate. He wonders if Kurt hates him or thinks about him. He wonders if Kurt could ever love a fuck up like him.

Late at night, Blaine cries because he just wishes that life were easy. Their life is practically planned out for them. Isn't it supposed to be easy? He wonders if there's anything to the rumor that the universe doesn't know what it's doing. It certainly hasn't done a good job on him.

**

Kurt can't stand listening to people talk about soulmates. He always sinks down into his seats because there's nothing to soulmates and the universe is wrong. Soulmates suck. Just take his own for example. He hates Blaine Anderson. He hates him but even more he hates himself for believing for so many years that a soulmate would make everything better. In his mind, his soulmate would stand up for him. His soulmate would be there for him and he'd stop the bullying and he'd be perfect for him. He'd always thought that was the way it works. 

When they have to perform at Sectionals in his junior year he's not ready. He hates himself. He's sinking lower and lower because his life was not supposed to turn out like this. Everybody around him has their own problems. Quinn denying her true soulmate, Puck sleeping with somebody who isn't his soulmate (Kurt only stops himself from attacking Puck over that because Quinn is the one denying things; nobody deserves to feel the pain that Kurt feels and he'd never let his friends do that to somebody), Finn and Rachel's drama after Rachel's soulmate had been so mean to her. It's all just too much. None of them have time for poor Kurt whose soulmate doesn't care.

They sit in the row together, Kurt holding Rachel's hand. Rachel, as caught up in her own problems as she is, is his rock and he's thankful she's there. He thinks it's a bad sign that he hasn't felt the pain in a few days. It has to come soon, right? He's nervous to take the stage, so anxious because last year he had nearly collapsed in pain on the stage. He doesn't want that to happen this year.

Kurt zones out, his eyes closed, only watching the Hipsters sing for a moment before closing his eyes again. He pictures himself on a beach, somewhere far away. He pictures a perfect life. He doesn't picture his soulmate because he doesn't believe anymore. Blaine is nothing to him.

When the Warblers come up, Kurt doesn't look at them. He's nervous and his stomach is churning and then the singer starts singing and Kurt's neck nearly cracks as he looks up. Whoever the singer is has a voice like Heaven. "Blaine," Kurt whispers, the only thing stopping him from standing up Rachel's hold on him. He doesn't know how he knows except he does. They're soulmates. They're supposed to meet each other. His skin prickles on his arm and he knows that he's right. He knows that the person supposed to be his soulmate is up on stage right now.

"Kurt?" Rachel whispers, ignoring Mr. Shuester's whispered shh's. This is important.

Kurt shakes his head, tears filling his eyes as he watches the Warblers perform. Blaine is beautiful. Gorgeous. Kurt's fingers move to the name on his skin and he looks down, his heart clenching as he sees the red and remembers suddenly. It's hard to remember with Blaine's face so gorgeous in front of him but Blaine had hurt him. Blaine hadn't waited. Blaine didn't want him. Kurt looks up again, feeling as if the room has turned to ice, as if his heart has turned to ice. He watches Blaine perform but he doesn't let himself smile and he certainly doesn't clap when they're finished.

After they're finished, he doesn't wait for anything, just runs. The New Directions normally head backstage, taking their time before they're going to perform but Kurt doesn't go with them. He goes to where he knows the Warblers are. He has to talk to Blaine, to see him. He doesn't know what he'll say. Everything he's ever thought about saying to Blaine has left his head in his anger and confusion and pain.

Kurt nearly falls as he opens the dressing room door too quickly, not caring about what they could be doing. His eyes find Blaine and again he's struck. Blaine is beautiful. No, he shakes his head physically. He won't let the universe do this to him. Fuck the universe.

Immediately, he can see that Blaine feels the rush, feels the connection between them, his hand coming up to rest against where Kurt knows his name is on Blaine's forearm. Kurt has so many things he wants to say. He has so many questions and he wants to slap Blaine so hard his head will spin but suddenly it's all too much. Blaine takes a step towards him and Kurt holds up a hand. All he can do is take a gasping breath, the tears coming without his permission or knowledge. "Blaine?"

"Kurt." The word is whispered, not even a question, and it's full of such pain that all Kurt wants to do is run into Blaine's arms. This isn't fair. These feelings aren't fair. 

Kurt nods his head even though Blaine hadn't been asking, had known as Kurt had, giving a quiet sob as he turns away. Blaine comes up to him, puts a hand on Kurt's arm and that snaps Kurt out of it. He flinches away, turning around, intending on giving him a piece of his mind. He doesn't let himself get distracted by Blaine, all of Blaine, right in front of him. His eyes are gorgeous and his hair and nose and cheekbones and damn it. "Why?"

"What?" Blaine asks, taking a step back from Kurt as Kurt rejects his touch.

Everything Kurt wants to say threatens to push through. He's had so many speeches planned in his head. Angry speeches and upset speeches and speeches that will only ever live in fantasies. He can't come up with any of them though. All he can think about is the burn on his arm and the pain in his chest as he looks at the man who's supposed to be his. "Why wasn't I worth waiting for?"

Blaine's jaw drops, his hands coming up immediately to Kurt's shoulders. The second that he had seen Kurt he had wanted to touch him, to hold him. He knows that it's the universe, the universe that pushes two people who are made for each other together but feelings can't be faked. Blaine wants to think that it's just the universe but he has a feeling that if things were different, that if there were no soulmates or destiny, then he'd still be as madly attracted to Kurt as he is now.

He had thought about meeting Kurt a million times and a million different ways but never like this. Kurt had never been sobbing in the fantasies. He had never expected this rush of feelings. He had never expected that the second he saw Kurt he would want to protect him from everything. The thought physically hurts him because Kurt doesn't even want him to touch him and he knows that he deserves it. "Kurt… You think-"

He's cut off as a brunette comes up, a scowl clear on her face. He's surprised when she turns the scowl at him full-force. "Kurt, we have to perform. Come on. Let's kill it out there."

Then he knows. He knows that it's one of Kurt's friends. One of Kurt's friends who knows about him and of course she hates him. He hates himself. Kurt takes another look at him before turning but no. Blaine can't just let him walk away. He has to talk to him. He needs Kurt to understand, to not hate him. He's not sure he understood Kurt's sentence but he needs to at least try to explain. "Kurt," he says softly, amazed again because this is his Kurt in front of him, resting a hand on Kurt's shoulder. He doesn't let go when Kurt flinches. "After you perform we have to talk. I can take you out to a late dinner."

Blaine can tell that Kurt wants to deny it, deny him but he nods. "Fine," he says. It's the best that Blaine is going to get, he thinks and he deserves nothing more. He steps back into the room, ignoring the Warbler's comments and questions. He can't believe that he just met Kurt. He can't believe that he just met his soulmate, the one person in the world that is designed to make him happier than anybody else and all he wants to do is sit down and cry.

**

Kurt doesn't look up as he stirs his soda. He doesn't want to look up. He doesn't want to talk. He just wants to go home and crawl under the covers and cry until maybe it doesn't hurt anymore. "You are an absolutely amazing singer," Blaine finally says and when Kurt chances a look up he sees that Blaine is staring right at him.

Since they had tied at Sectionals, Kurt is feeling a little better. They hadn't lost so that was something. They hadn't kicked the Warbler's ass either which sucked and Rachel had had a frown on her face over that. She had barely let him come and it was only when Kurt had wearily told Rachel that it _was_ his soulmate did she let him. He hadn't meant it though. Soulmates don't mean anything.

When Kurt doesn't say anything else, Blaine frowns. Kurt has half a thought of saying something, of rescuing him but Blaine deserves nothing from him. Blaine opens and closes his mouth a few times before he finally gets words out. "You asked me why. I didn't… I still don't understand what you're asking."

Thinking about the question, Kurt gives a little sigh. He's calm but it hurts. It hurts so badly and he wants to cry again but he refuses. "Why…" Kurt takes a deep breath. It's now or never. He either gets the answers that he wants or he doesn't and right now all he wants is answers. "Why wasn't I worth waiting for, Blaine? I don't understand. Ever since I was little my dad told me that sex was something special, something important and that it was meant for soulmates. I've heard it everywhere and I was willing completely to wait for you. I wanted to wait for you. I _did_ wait for you. Ever since I was old enough to know what a soulmate was I was thrilled because you were out there and you…"

Blaine's jaw has fallen again, Kurt notices when he lets his words trail off, too choked up to continue. Tears fill his eyes but he wipes them away viciously. "Kurt… Kurt you…" It's Blaine's turn this time to take a deep breath but it's not for courage. He wants the earth to open up and swallow him whole. Kurt thought it was his fault. Kurt thought that Blaine's sleeping around was his fault, as if he wasn't good enough. It hurts Blaine. The guilt claws at him, more than ever. "Kurt, it wasn't about you."

"But it should've been about me," Kurt whispers, unable to voice his thoughts any louder. The diner that they're sitting in is nearly empty but he doesn't want anybody to overhear. Enough people know about his soulmate problems just by the red letters on his arm. "Blaine… I felt it. Every single time. Did you know that? Did you know that soulmates feel when their part- When their soulmate is having sex without them? I knew. Every single time. It was like your name was burning and then as if somebody had set off a bomb inside my chest. Eventually it dulled to an ache so bad that a few times I threw up. I… I waited and you… I don't understand. Why wasn't… Why wasn't… Why didn't you want me?"

As Kurt swallows hard, barely able to get the words out, Blaine wants to get onto his knees and beg for forgiveness. He had never known that Kurt would feel it. He had never known that he was causing him pain and he had never ever thought that Kurt would think it was about him. God, he really is as worthless as he had always known. "Kurt, please." Blaine has to make him understand. He has to because seeing the tears slowly make their way down Kurt's chest sends an arrow straight through his heart. He doesn't know how to explain it though. All of his excuses seem so flimsy now. Why couldn’t he have waited? If he had waited then Kurt would be his right now and that's all that Blaine wants. "Kurt, it was about me. I just… I didn't feel… good enough and they were there and. Kurt, you are… beautiful and perfect and everything I ever dreamed of."

Kurt stands up abruptly, nearly knocking over his soda as he looks at Blaine, shaking his head hard. "Don't you dare. Soulmates are nothing to me anymore. You are nothing to me, Blaine Anderson. You don't get to… act like you can say that just because we're supposed to be soulmates. You didn't think you were good enough? How do you think I felt? How do you think I _feel_? My own soulmate didn't want me enough to wait. My soulmate…"

Unable to even finish his sentence, Kurt turns and runs. He runs hard and fast, stopping only when he reaches a payphone. He calls Finn, begging for him to come get him and feels pathetic as he steps into the shadows to wait. He doesn't want Blaine to find him. He doesn't want to talk to Blaine anymore. Blaine had said that his sleeping around wasn't about him but it certainly feels that way. It feels as if it was about him.

**

Blaine can't concentrate anymore. It's been two weeks since he had seen Kurt, since Kurt had run away. He knows that he should've chased after Kurt, knows that he should've tried to stop him but it had been a shock. He had been so surprised by Kurt's words and he hadn't been able to move. He had needed his own time to process and he has a feeling that Kurt did too. It had hurt when Kurt had said that Blaine was nothing to him. It had struck him in his most vulnerable place and for a few days he hadn't been sure if he was going to try to contact Kurt again. But that had been a silly thought. Blaine knows that he deserves every angry word that Kurt sends his way. He may not be good enough for Kurt, he knows that he's not, but damn it, he wants Kurt. 

Today he's going to do something about it. He's already made the plans to drive to McKinley and he's going to talk to Kurt whether Kurt wants it or not. They have to figure this out. In the two weeks, Blaine hasn't slept with anybody else. He can't, not knowing that Kurt will feel it. The other boys, especially his "regulars," are disappointed and half have tried to seduce him but Blaine is firm. He's hurt Kurt enough. 

The day seem to move slower than normal even with Blaine skipping out of his last two classes and the drive to Lima takes what feels like half of his life. He turns the music up, sings along loudly and wonders whether fate knows what it's doing. He doesn't think so. Not right now.

When he reaches McKinley High School, he wonders about his plan. All he knows is that Kurt attends, nothing else about him and he only knows that because he's in the New Directions. Blaine sits in the parking lot, watching as students begin to leave and he's thankful that he got here in time for the last bell. He watches, waiting, fingers tightening on the steering wheel when he finally sees him, knowing that he is lucky.

Blaine lets himself look for a moment because he had been serious. Kurt is beautiful. Kurt is gorgeous and if Blaine wasn't such a screw up he'd be thankful as hell that such a marvelous looking person was his. He had ruined it before they had even met, though. Now he just hopes that he can fix it. Blaine had been 14 when he had started sleeping around and had never thought about the future. Of course, he wishes that he had. He wishes with all of his heart that he could go back and change things because Kurt doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve the pain that came with a young boy's stupid decisions.

"Kurt," Blaine says as he gets out of the car, shutting the door and approaching Kurt, thankful that he has the element of surprise so that Kurt can't run away.

Blaine is blocked from Kurt, though, by a tall boy that he recognizes from the New Directions performance stepping in front of him. "If you're Blaine Anderson then you'd better get the hell out of here. Kurt doesn't need you."

Before Blaine can open his mouth, not that he's sure what he'll say, Kurt has his arm on the boy's shoulder. "Its fine, Finn. I think me and Blaine do need to talk," Kurt says softly, glancing at Blaine with an odd look on his face. "Blaine, this is Finn. My stepbrother."

"Nice to meet you," Blaine responds but he doesn't press his luck by holding out his hand to shake. The way that Finn is looking at him makes it pretty clear that he thinks the same of Blaine that Blaine thinks of himself. Blaine looks at Finn for a moment before looking at Kurt. "Can I take you out to coffee, Kurt?"

Kurt nods, letting out a slow breath, wishing that he hadn't carpooled with Finn earlier in the day. He wants to talk to Blaine. Really, he thinks that he needs to talk to Blaine. He's ready to try to resolve things because in the two weeks they had been apart was horrible. Kurt isn't sure how he lived without Blaine because now not talking to him is torture. But he wishes that he could have a car as an escape route. Just in case. "Finn, keep your phone on just in case I need to be picked up."

Finn's jaw sets but he nods, taking the keys from Kurt. Kurt smiles slightly as Finn steps closer to Blaine, close enough that Blaine has to look up to see him. Although he can't hear them, he's fairly certain that Finn threatens Blaine just because he knows Finn. When they're finished Blaine nods with an annoyed look on his face. "I'll have my phone on me," Finn says to Kurt before turning and walking to the car, shooting them looks over his shoulder.

"Alright, let's go," Kurt says, not looking at Blaine as he goes to get into the passenger seat of Blaine's car, moving quickly so that Blaine wouldn't have a chance to open the door for him. He doesn't want any romantic gestures right now.

They go to the Lima Bean, neither of them talking until they have their drinks. "I've missed you these past two weeks. I know how stupid that sounds."

Kurt looks up at Blaine, thankful that he wasn't the only one who had felt the stupid pull. Stupid universe. "Stupid soulmates," Kurt murmurs, not sure if he wants Blaine to hear or not. Judging by the frown on Blaine's face, he hears. "Look. Blaine… I don't know what to say. I couldn't not talk to you. I was about to drive up to stupid Dalton myself but… It hurt. Blaine that hurt so much. Every single time and so often…"

"Let me try to help you understand," Blaine whispers, reaching out a hand for Kurt. He looks down, frowning softly as Kurt pulls his hand away. "Kurt, my parents stopped talking to me when I was around 6. Yeah, they still talked to me but they stopped _talking_ to me. When I was 8, my brother left and he called but it wasn't the same. When I was 13, I had to transfer to Dalton Academy because I got beaten for being gay. I slept with somebody for the first time when I was 14. They were there, Kurt. They were there and they had this look in their eyes like 'oh, poor worthless gay boy.' And it just… I did it and then I felt guilty. I was good at it, though. They specifically came after me because finally I was worth something. Eventually I was just the school-"

"Blaine," Kurt interrupts, looking at Blaine with wide eyes. He had never really wanted to smack Blaine as much as he does now and he prides himself on being a very non-violent person. He's practically vibrating with anger, his grip on his coffee cup so hard that he has to be careful not to crunch it. "You think that this was easy for me? You think that high school was fucking easy for me? You think that I didn't have my problems? Every single day was a problem for me. I didn't have any friends from elementary school until my sophomore year when I joined Glee Club. I was bullied for being gay and for being myself and then for having a soulmate who didn't even love me enough to wait for me. I am sorry you had problems but that is no excuse. I pulled through it in the beginning because I had somebody out there. I loved the idea of you from the minute that I knew you were out there for me."

Blaine shakes his head, hearing the anger in Kurt's voice and he wants to stop it but he doesn't know how. Kurt's words stab him like a knife and he wants to go back. He needs to change things to stop Kurt's pain. If only he had known… "Kurt, I didn't know. I'm so sorry. I was… I just, was 14 and I didn't think about the future. It had nothing to do with you. Kurt, you were the only reason that I even… survived. The thought of you but the thought made me feel guilty and just… I'm sorry. I know I'm a disappointment. You loved the idea of me."

Sighing, Kurt rests his cheek on his arms on the table. He closes his eyes, wondering if he keeps them closed long enough if the world will fall away. No. Of course not. Life isn't that easy. "I'm sorry, Blaine. I get it. I know… When I was little, before… before… I thought about you. I thought about you swooping into school to protect me, to stop the bullying. I imagined having a best friend who was there for me. We'd get through everything together. We'd… We'd have this marvelous- and… It's not that you're a disappointment. I guess I just got too excited and thought that everything would be perfect and I have to face reality. Things aren't always perfect."

This time when Blaine reaches out his hand for Kurt, Kurt lets him take it. "Kurt, I'm sorry. I wanna try. We're meant to be together. Kurt I didn't know that- I knew you'd hate me when I met you but I… I hated- hate myself so I… I don't know what to say. I'm sorry though and I want to… I don't wanna be apart from you."

"Stupid universe. I don't want you to- I don't want- I don't want you to want to be with me because of some stupid... some stupid." Kurt can't finish, just looks down at his coffee and takes deep breaths. 

Blaine squeezes his hand, thankful that Kurt doesn't pull away. "Kurt… You know that it doesn't work that way. The universe may draw us together but it can't fake love. It can't fake the fact that I… that it kills me when you cry."

Kurt looks down at their hands, frowning slightly. "I don't know what I believe. I don't want to be with you. I don't trust you but I don't want to be apart from you."

"I know that I have something to prove but let me prove it," Blaine says, looking at Kurt. Kurt looks back at him with an unidentified look in his eyes. "Please."

When Kurt nods, he feels his heart skip a beat. Kurt makes him want to be a better person.

**

Kurt is surprised when the next Monday he sees Blaine approaching his locker. "I transferred. My parents weren't really happy but in the end they didn't care. I don't like the time away from you. The Warblers were upset but they understand that I transferred to be with my soulmate."

"You…" Kurt blinks once, twice then he shakes his head, laughing softly. He kind of wants to throw himself into Blaine's arms but he doesn't because he still hates Blaine. A lot. Okay, maybe only a little bit. "I can't believe that you really transferred. I can see if you can join Glee Club although I don't know about the rules on it. You… I can't believe this. Wait, you're not joking are you?

Blaine grins widely, straightening his bow tie. "No, I'm not joking silly. It's alright if I can't join the club. Or I can join and not compete in the competitions. Anything that gives me more time with you."

Ducking his head so that Blaine can't see his blush, Kurt reaches out a hand. Whether it's the universe or not, Kurt can't help that Blaine gives him butterflies. 

In the end, it's decided that Blaine can join Glee Club but can't compete until next year. Blaine sits next to Kurt and, when Kurt sings that day, the look in Blaine's eyes almost makes Kurt falter. There's something like adoration in there, something that Kurt has never seen before and it sends chills all through his body. He has heard of such a thing as love at first sight but it's a myth. Love is so much more complex than that. Even the universe can't make them love.

As Kurt looks at Blaine, though, as Kurt thinks about how he had felt when he first saw him, he wonders. If not love at first sight, Kurt wonders what it was that he felt. The entire world had shifted and even the two weeks apart had been too much. Kurt thinks that he's in trouble.

Big trouble, it turns out. Kurt really can't stay away from Blaine. He wants to and he still keeps part of himself from Blaine but it's hard. They sit together at Glee Club and lunch and they go out to the Lima Bean so often that Kurt considers ordering decaf coffee although he doesn't because ew. Kurt laughs and he jokes and they talk about their interests but he tries hard not to let Blaine see the real him. He can't. Because some small part of him still feels like he's not good enough. He still feels like Blaine wants more, wants something else. He still can't forget that Blaine didn't wait for him.

As weeks pass, Blaine doesn't regret transferring to McKinley. He misses the Warblers but he doesn't miss Dalton. The teasing still happens, the horrendous teasing but he has Kurt and that's what matters. He surprises himself when he nearly punches a football player who shoves Kurt against his locker. He had never been violent but something about Kurt screams for him to protect him.

Blaine knows that Kurt isn't giving him his all but he doesn't feel like he deserves it so he waits. He waits and he slowly gets closer to Kurt. He tries to let Kurt see that he trusts him. Sometimes, he catches Kurt rubbing the red words on his arm and he wants to make it go away. He wants to make the words white again. He can't though and he hates it.

Finn still hates him, as do half of the other Glee Club members. Kurt isn't really too big on him either, though. It's okay. He'll wait forever. The more he gets to know Kurt the more he knows that he will wait forever if that's what it takes for Kurt.

**

When Blaine had decided that he would wait forever he hadn't realized how hard it would be and he really hadn't realized how long Kurt was going to make him wait. He meant it but it's harder than he had thought it would be. Every day with Kurt is amazing. Every time Kurt laughs or smiles or lights up Blaine just wants to hold him. It's hard to resist but he knows that he's not welcome to even touch Kurt. Not often at least. It's generally casual touches, one that can be played off as just friendship touches. If Blaine's hand lingers then Kurt will give him a half fake glare.

Blaine and Kurt celebrate the end of the school year and the New Direction's making it to Nationals together with a party of just them at Kurt's house. They eat dinner with Kurt's family and then hole themselves away in Kurt's bedroom with junk food. "Finn is warming up to me slowly," Blaine murmurs, tossing a piece of popcorn into his mouth.

Kurt looks over at Blaine. They're both sitting on his bed, Moulin Rouge playing in the background. The movie is his favorite and he'd been pleasantly surprised when Blaine had said that it was one of his as well. "All of them just know how hurt that I was. Most of the Glee Club has heard me scream before when I felt the pain. Finn more since I live with him though."

For a moment, Blaine can't think of a response. It still pains him every time that he hears that Kurt hurt during each time he had sex. He wishes with all of his heart that he could go back. He never would've done it if he knew that it caused Kurt physical pain… or that Kurt would have the pain every time so that he knew how often it happened. "I'm sorry, Kurt."

"No I… I just… it still hurts," Kurt admits softly, looking down at the bedspread, tracing patterns on it. He looks up, surprised as he feels Blaine's hand on his cheek and he swallows with sudden awareness as he realizes what Blaine is going to do. The worst part, the part that makes Kurt give a breathy gasp is that he wants it. He wants Blaine to lean in and kiss him. Blaine's lips come closer to his and Kurt wants it so bad.

Kurt doesn't realize that he's pulling back until Blaine pulls back as well, frowning. "Kurt," Blaine says, obviously waiting for Kurt to say something but Kurt just looks at Blaine with wide eyes. "Kurt, I wanna try. We're soulmates."

Blaine realizes a second too late that it's the wrong thing to say as Kurt nearly falls off the bed trying to sit up to his full height, looking at Blaine with fury in his eyes. "How dare you? How dare you, Blaine Anderson? So now we're soulmates? What about when you were sleeping with somebody else? You don't get to decide when we're soulmates. You don't get to pull that card when you're the one who threw it out the window."

Groaning, Blaine reaches out to grab a hold of Kurt's arm, gasping in surprise as Kurt tries to wrench it away and ends up just falling onto his face on the bed in the process, the entire bed shaking with the movement. Blaine lets go of Kurt's arm as if he was burned, instead putting his hands to his lips as Kurt sits up slowly, blinking. "I'm sorry," Blaine whispers, trying so desperately hard not to laugh but it's hopeless as a chuckle comes out.

Kurt frowns for only a moment before he joins him in laughter, shaking his head. He feels a bit like an idiot for having been so angry that he fell but he knows that Blaine isn't laughing at him like that. He leans back against the pillows, unable to be angry while laughing so hard. Once he's calm and composed and can breathe again he sighs, looking at Blaine. "I want to try, Blaine. I do. I just… need you to move slow for me, okay?"

"I can… try. For you, Kurt, anything," Blaine promises, smiling widely at Kurt before settling back against the pillows.

Kurt knows that Blaine is giving him an out. If he wants to they can just settle in and watch the movie and eat the deliciously bad junk food. Kurt doesn't need to consider it though. He leans forward slowly, his hands just resting against Blaine's shoulders in a silent message for Blaine to not move. Blaine watches him, his eyes flickering between his lips and his eyes. The kiss is short, chaste and Kurt pulls back after a few moments, looking at him. Kurt has so much he wants to say to Blaine. He had always imagined that he would be honest with his soulmate. _I'm scared of you hurting me again. I'm scared of not being enough. I'm scared of you finding better. I'm so scared, Blaine._

Instead of speaking about his feelings, he curls up, resting his head carefully on Blaine's shoulder. Blaine reaches up, stroking Kurt's hair. Kurt wants to push him away because he'd worked hard on his hair that morning but it feels too good and so he lets him.

**

Kurt wonders as he watches Blaine. He wonders what Blaine's thinking, what he's feeling. The more he gets to know him the harder it is not to jump into his arms. Now that he's around Blaine suddenly he realizes what's so special about soulmates. Blaine is his perfect match. They go everywhere that summer that they can. He, Blaine and Rachel all pack into a car one Thursday, making a break for New York. They spend two nights there before heading back. The grounding they get is worth it. The kiss that Blaine gave Kurt in the middle of Central Park was even more worth it.

Sometimes they're joined in their adventures by Rachel or Finn or the other members of New Directions. A few times they're joined by members of the Warblers which makes Kurt shy and self-conscious until Blaine promises not to introduce Kurt to _anybody_ that he's ever slept with. The times that they spend alone are Kurt's favorite though.

Blaine takes him to amusement parks and water parks and across state lines to different festivals and places that Kurt can't even remember. During the drives they sing to each other and Blaine's voice continues to make Kurt melt. It gets harder keeping his walls up while Blaine looks at him like he does.

**

Blaine wishes that Kurt could truly see him. He knows that Kurt watches him. He knows that Kurt is scared and emotional and he wishes that he could fix that. He wishes that he could figure out a way. He talks to everybody he knows and most of Kurt's friends but nobody has advice for him. He just wishes that things were easier. They're supposed to be easy.

All summer, Blaine does all that he can to show Kurt that he can change. He wants Kurt to know that he won't hurt him and he doesn't want to hurt him. Things are so different in his life now. Kurt smiles at him, thanks him for the brilliant 'not a date, Blaine' and Blaine feels like maybe he doesn't screw up everything that he touches. He wants Kurt to think he's something special, even if he knows that he's not.

They should've known that the careful place they had created wasn't going to stay the same forever. They're sitting in the Lima Bean, holding hands across the table, occasionally conversing and otherwise just smiling at each other. Blaine wonders whether Kurt is almost ready. He wonders if he's almost ready to take the plunge. Blaine wants to go farther with Kurt. He wants to be able to kiss him and hold him and tell him how wonderful he is without Kurt giving him a glare along with a smile.

"Let me guess. This is the soulmate you wouldn't wait for."

Blaine looks up in surprise, eyes widening. Kurt wrenches his arm away as the owner of the voice taps his fingers against the red words on his skin. "Sebastian," Blaine hisses, heart sinking until it feels about level with his stomach.

"Sebastian?" There's curiosity mixed with something that sounds like fear in Kurt's voice. 

Pulling out a chair, Sebastian sits down next to them, a smirk filled with fake innocence on his face. "Oh has he told you about me? Or has he been trying to pretend that he didn't make those words on your forearm red? Too bad you haven't gotten to taste him yet." Sebastian reaches out, resting his hand on top of Blaine's hand and Blaine stiffens, knowing that he should pull away but he can't move. Is this going to ruin everything? What is Sebastian doing? And how the hell does Sebastian know how slow their love life is moving? He knows it must have been one of the Warblers and he feels a stab of betrayal through his chest. 

Awareness dawns slowly in Kurt's eyes and Blaine wants to head it off but he can't force the words out of his throat. Kurt's jaw sets as he looks at Blaine and Blaine knows that he has to say something. He opens his mouth but Kurt speaks before he can. "Blaine is my soulmate. Yes, maybe he hurt me and maybe he messed up by sleeping with idiots like you but he's mine now and that's what matters. And no, I have not heard a word about you from him so that should say something to you. So if you'd not touch him again that'd be great," Kurt says sarcastically. For a moment Blaine thinks that he's going to pull Sebastian away from Blaine but at the last second he turns on his heel.

This time, Blaine runs after him. He's not letting Kurt run away again. 

**

Kurt stops next to Blaine's passenger side door, leaning against the door with his arms crossed. He looks up when Blaine comes out of the coffee shop, forcing a smile when he sees the look of surprise on Blaine's face. He wants Blaine to know that he wasn't running away from him. He supposes that he wasn't really running away from Sebastian either. It had just been a bad reminder of something that he had fought hard to try to get over. 

As Blaine approaches, slower now, Kurt isn't sure what he's going to say. He has so much that he wants to say but he changes his mind as he sees Sebastian coming out of the coffee shop as well. Blaine barely catches him as he flings himself at him, Kurt's arms sliding around his neck, Blaine's going around his waist as he kisses him hard. Kurt wants to blush as he feels Blaine smiling against his lips but he doesn't. Blaine is his soulmate. Blaine is his.

"I suppose your soulmate does need to have some guts to be with you after you slept with so many of us at Dalton Academy."

Kurt pulls back with a frown as he hears Sebastian's voice right next to them. Much too close for his comfort. "What do you want, Sebastian?" Blaine asks and Kurt's happy at least that he doesn't sound all too thrilled with him. Kurt feels butterflies as Blaine lets him pull away but keeps his arm around Kurt's waist.

"We want you back with the Warblers, Blaine. I'm the new captain and we really need you. Come on, you don't need your soulmate. You were just fine at Dalton before you met him."

"Yeah before I met him," Blaine murmurs and Kurt feels his heartbeat pick up as Blaine looks over at him. The red words on Kurt's arm still hurt to look at but as Blaine looks at him with such emotion in his eyes, Kurt doesn't want to care. It's so hard to hold up his walls around Blaine when Blaine is so perfect for him. Maybe that's the point. And maybe there's something to soulmates. Kurt decides he's never going to admit that out loud though. "Now that I've met him though… I don't know how I could ever have… he's everything. He's everything I ever imagined and dreamed of. He's perfect and…"

"Blaine," Kurt whispers, unable to hold it back any more as he presses himself to Blaine, hugging him tightly. Blaine smiles, kissing his temple as he hugs him back.

Sebastian rolls his eyes, looking into Blaine's eyes. "If you change your mind, Blaine, then you're always welcome back. I'll even let you back into my bed so that you can get over him."

Kurt can see the effort it takes for Sebastian to walk away but he's thankful that he does as he looks at Blaine. There's a smile playing on Blaine's lips, joy so evident in his eyes that it makes Kurt's heart almost hurt. "Do you want to go back in there and finish our coffee?" Blaine asks softly, cupping Kurt's cheek, thumb rubbing Kurt's skin gently.

Shaking his head, Kurt looks up at Blaine. "Are your parents home?" Blaine looks at Kurt with an odd expression before slowly shaking his head. Kurt knows what he wants. He knows what he wants more than anything in the world. He's sick of the red words on his arm. He's ready for the world to know that he's found his soulmate and his soulmate has found him and they're together. "I want to go to your house," Kurt whispers.

Blaine looks at him, curiosity in his eyes before he nods, turning to open the door for Kurt. "Okay."

**

On the way, Kurt texts Rachel that he could potentially be saying that he's spending the night at her house. Since Kurt and Blaine are soulmates and have been spending so much time together he's pretty sure that he could tell his father and he wouldn't be surprised but Kurt thinks he himself might die of embarrassment. When Kurt's done texting, he reaches out to grab Blaine's hand, wondering if he really has the nerve to go through with this. He's pretty sure he does. And when Blaine grabs his hand he's really sure.

Blaine had been right. The house is empty when they get there and Kurt and Blaine head immediately for the bedroom, Kurt leading the way. "How long will they be gone?"

"Kurt…" Blaine sounds like he wants to say something but he seems to think better of it. "At least until one in the morning. They have some work thing tonight."

That's all Kurt needs to hear and the second that they're in the bedroom he turns to Blaine, pressing their lips together in a hard kiss. Blaine kisses him back for only a moment before pulling back and Kurt whines, shaking his head. "Blaine-"

"Kurt, we have to talk though. About what you said back there… I mean. I don't… don't want this to be like the rest of the times that I've slept with somebody," Blaine whispers against Kurt's lips. 

Kurt pulls back slightly, nodding because he supposes that's a good point. He reaches down, threading their fingers together, squeezing gently. "Okay. I meant what I said. You screwed up but I don't care anymore. This… you, what's between us… I think it's perfect. And I didn't want to admit it because you hurt me but Blaine, you are _amazing_. And… And I love you."

Blaine gapes at him, blinking once, twice as Kurt watches him with amusement. There's a fondness in his eyes and Blaine swallows hard. "You love me?"

"Perhaps from the minute I saw you," Kurt says, nodding his head with a smile. It's the truth and he's tired of trying to hide it from himself. He hates what Blaine did but the second that he saw him that had started dissolving. He can't help but love Blaine. He doesn't know how anybody can't fall in love with their soulmate if their soulmate is as perfect for them as Blaine is for Kurt. 

Tilting his head to the side, Blaine looks up at him hopefully. Kurt wants to squeeze him in a hug and never let him go. This is real. "Even after everything that I did?"

Kurt smirks because that's the opening he needs. They can talk more later. They have the rest of their lives for talking, after all. "So make it up to me."

"Are you sure?" 

When Kurt nods, Blaine presses against him again, their lips moving easily. Kurt isn't sure how he managed months and months with just kissing but it's sure made them adept at it. Kurt feels like he knows exactly what Blaine is going to do before he does it. They kiss lazily, backing up slowly until Kurt hits the bed and he pulls back reluctantly to get into the bed. He puts on his most inviting smile and Blaine grins as he joins Kurt. 

"You're nervous," Blaine whispers as he connects his lips to Kurt's neck, eliciting one of the most amazing sounds Blaine has ever heard from him. 

Kurt shakes his head then changes his mind and nods, hands resting gently on Blaine's shoulders. He's done lying to Blaine, done hiding his feelings. He can trust Blaine. He knows that Blaine won't laugh at him or lie to him. He trusts Blaine. "You've slept with so many people. I'm afraid of not being good enough," he says softly, whimpering as Blaine pulls back to look at him with wide eyes.

"You're… Oh, Kurt, you've got to be joking. This is… Nothing will ever compare to this. I love you. That makes everything so much special. Just… just relax." Heart thudding much too fast, Kurt lays back slowly, biting his lip as he watches Blaine. He wants to feel uncomfortable as Blaine stares at him for a moment but the look in Blaine's eyes make it impossible. Blaine reaches forward, his movements slow, cautious as he plays with the bottom of Kurt's shirt. "Can I?"

Kurt's nod is immediate and he lifts his arms up, smiling as Blaine immediately runs into trouble figuring out the order to take off Kurt's shirts and where one shirt ends and another begins. By the time Kurt's chest is exposed they are both chuckling. Blaine's laughter dies in his throat, though, as he gets a look at Kurt, half groaning. Kurt shivers, eyes never leaving Blaine as Blaine reaches out, running a hand slowly along Kurt's skin.

"I… I know I'm not much. I don't work out or-" Kurt whispers, unsure of Blaine's reaction.

Shaking his head, Blaine cuts him off, lips pressing where he can feel Kurt's heartbeat. When he speaks his breath is warm against Kurt's skin. "You are perfect, Kurt. So beautiful and… I feel like I'm going to disappoint you."

This time it's Kurt who shakes his head, tugging gently on Blaine's hair to get him to look up at him. "Blaine you have nothing to worry about. I… I won't be disappointed. Not by you. Never."

Blaine brings his head up to kiss Kurt's lips, the kiss much sloppier than he means it before he leaves a trail of kisses down Kurt's neck. He's nervous, so nervous because this means something. Kurt means so much to him and even though Kurt had said he wouldn't be disappointed, he's still worried that he will be. He mentally shakes himself. This is for Kurt. He can't let his insecurities get in the way.

Their legs tangle together as Blaine just smiles at Kurt, shaking his head as finally Kurt ducks his head "Don't. Don't be embarrassed. Don't ever be embarrassed with me," Blaine whispers, gently tilting Kurt's chin back up. This kiss is rougher and Blaine can feel Kurt press against him, his movements still stiff but less so. "Don't be nervous. I love you, Kurt. I love you and we don't have to do anything you don't want to."

Kurt lets out a breathy sigh at the words, pulling back from the kiss so that he can rest his forehead against Blaine's shoulder and Blaine turns his head, kissing every part of Kurt's skin that he can reach. "I'm sorry. I thought I knew what I wanted. I mean, I want this. I want you to be mine. I'm just scared."

"Kurt, I am yours. Sex or not. Kissing you is better than sleeping with anybody else. Please don't push yourself into something that you're not ready for just because you want to claim me… or just because you don't want the red words on your arm anymore."

For a moment, Kurt thinks about it. Is that why he's doing this? He lifts his arm slightly, looking down at the red letters. No, it's not, he decides after only a moment. He wants the redness to go away. He wants the color to fade so that people can know that they're claimed soulmates. That's not why he's doing this, though. He's not doing it for jealousy or so that they're claimed. He's doing it because he loves Blaine, has loved him for a long while now.

"I want you," Kurt whispers, smiling lovingly, moaning softly as Blaine immediately kisses him again. He lowers himself back against the pillows arms, sliding around Blaine's neck. "I love you."

Blaine's smile is just as wide when he pulls back, looking all across Kurt's face as if he's trying to memorize it. "I love you." The words are so simple but they send a spark up Kurt's body. He reaches up, pulling Blaine's shirt off and tossing it aside. Kurt lifts himself up onto his shoulders, watching as Blaine leans over, grabbing a condom and a bottle of lube out of his nightstand drawer, looking sheepish. "Better to be safe than sorry."

"I'm not complaining," Kurt responds quickly, laying back again and taking a deep breath before starting to work on his buttons. Blaine freezes as Kurt hooks his thumb in fabric, pushing his pants and his boxers down in one movement, kicking them aside. Kurt refuses to look, nerves getting the better of him.

After what feels like an eternity of no response, Kurt finally looks, the blush deepening as he sees the expression on Blaine's face. "You are so gorgeous," Blaine murmurs, his own movements much sloppier, hasty as he pulls his the rest of his own clothes off. Kurt watches, his breath hitching when Blaine's cock comes free. 

Blaine covers Kurt's body again, kissing him. Their cocks slide together, creating a friction that makes Kurt whimper, fingers digging into Blaine's shoulder. "Blaine," he groans, trying to follow Blaine's lips when Blaine pulls away. Blaine just smiles, shaking his head slowly.

It's almost worth the loss of kissing as Blaine moves his lips slowly down Kurt's body, licking and sucking and _oh_ Kurt's toes curl when Blaine bites. He had never known that would feel so good. "Mine." Blaine's breath is warm against his skin and Kurt nods in agreement, unable to make a sound as Blaine sucks what's sure to be a bruise onto his neck. Blaine's fingers slide across Kurt's chest and his lips follow. "Want to kiss every perfect inch of you."

The words are so sweet, so sincere that Kurt feels tears prick the back of his eyes. His fingers tangle in Blaine's hair and he makes the effort to watch. He had never felt good about his body before, not really. He's pale and skinny but Blaine makes him feel just as perfect as Blaine keeps saying he is. Some kisses are feather-light, just barely brushing over skin and others are rougher. Blaine sucks, leaving pink marks all down Kurt's skin and Kurt realizes with a jolt that he really likes it.

Blaine slides his tongue along Kurt's hip bones, leaving one last soft kiss before looking up at Kurt, popping open the lube. "Have you ever… fingered… yourself?"

If Kurt was any less mortified himself, he would've laughed at how embarrassed Blaine sounds. He nods his head quickly, trying to will the blush off of his cheeks. He wants this, so badly, but he kind of wishes that Blaine just kissing down his stomach could've lasted forever. Much less embarrassing. "Yeah, uh, a few… times," he chokes out, trying to remember that this is Blaine. He shouldn't be embarrassed around him. Blaine loves him. It just makes it even worse.

Blaine lets out a breath, trying to steady his voice. At least they're both nervous, Kurt thinks. "I'm gonna… Just trust me. If you want me to stop then let me know."

Kurt nods, eyes on the ceiling as he struggles with the blush. He gasps, his hips jerking and he looks down at the feeling of wetness on his cock. What he sees makes him groan and he can feel heat spread up his body. Blaine is kneeling between his legs, fingers shiny with the lube, lips just inches away from Kurt's cock and he realizes that that had been Blaine's tongue against his cock. "Toss me a pillow," Blaine says, his voice shaking.

It takes Kurt a minute to comprehend the words but he nods and Blaine catches the pillow in the hand not covered with lube. Kurt lifts up his hips, understanding and Blaine puts the pillow under him. Blaine watches him for a moment and Kurt gives a jerky nod, unsure if he could even force words out at the moment. This time, Blaine takes Kurt's tip between his lips, one hand tracing Kurt's hip slowly to hold him down and the other nudging slowly against his entrance. It's an odd feeling and Kurt lets go of Blaine's hair, feeling suddenly awkward. He grips at the sheets, his breath coming in short gasps as Blaine lowers his head slowly on Kurt's dick. "Fucking hell," Kurt whispers, not sure if Blaine can hear it. But Blaine chuckles around his cock, the vibrations doing horrible things to Kurt and Kurt wonders if this is what paradise feels like.

Blaine starts a steady movement, sucking rather enthusiastically and Kurt's barely aware of the pain as he uses his fingers to scissor him open. He tries to keep his hips still even with Blaine holding him down with one hand but it's hard. Every time Blaine pulls up, Kurt's hips want to follow him, and that combined with his fingers just makes Kurt's body overload. It's over all too soon and Blaine pulls up, fingers pulling out of him and Kurt gives a groan. "Are you sure you want to do this?" Blaine asks softly, looking up into Kurt's eyes.

There's no hesitation from Kurt as he nods. "With you. I want to with you," he responds, closing his eyes and taking a few calming breaths as he hears Blaine open the condom. "Like- Like this? Or should I roll over or-"

"Just stay like that." Kurt forces his eyes open and all the tension leans his body as he sees the soft smile on Blaine's face, the loving look in his eyes. Blaine loves him and that's all that he needs. 

Blaine grips Kurt's hips, pulling him and he pushes the pillow aside. "Wrap, uh, wrap your legs around my waist, okay?"

There's a hesitation in Blaine's voice, a desire to please. He has only topped a handful of times and when he had, it had always been with people who knew what they were doing. He isn't used to having to give directions. Kurt's breathing is shaky as he does what Blaine requested, fingernails digging into his palms as Blaine guides his cock slowly to Kurt's hole. "I love you."

"I love you," Blaine whispers back immediately and Kurt nods. It's awkward, so awkward for them. It feels like Blaine's first time all over again as he pushes in slowly, trying not to feel so horribly guilty over the flash of pain on Kurt's face. "Relax, baby. Relax and it'll go away."

Kurt nods, trusting Blaine. Blaine leans over him, catching Kurt's hands and sliding their fingers together. "Don't stop. Just slow," Kurt breathes, squeezing Blaine's hands hard. He looks up into Blaine's eyes, smiling tightly as he feels Blaine filling him.

It's nothing like when he used his own fingers or even when Blaine fingered him only a few moments ago. He can feel how much bigger Blaine is, how his cock seems to throb inside of him. It's nothing like he ever felt before and even through the pain it sends a jolt through him. Blaine is _inside him_. Blaine is inside him and part of him and his. "Kurt," Blaine murmurs, forehead pressing against Kurt's shoulder and Kurt can feel their hips pressed snugly together.

"Blaine." The simple word makes Blaine groan and Kurt squeezes his hand, letting go of the other so that he can tangle his fingers in Blaine's hair. "Please move."

Blaine looks like he had been waiting a while for the permission and Kurt has to bite his lip to keep from letting out a scream as Blaine pulls nearly out before thrusting back into him. It hurts but it's a good hurt and only a few thrusts later Blaine hits the spot that sends pleasure coursing down Kurt's spine. "Mm," is all Blaine can let out, his lips pressing to Kurt's.

They rock together, Kurt's hips pushing up to meet Blaine's thrusts. Their bodies press tightly together, Kurt's cock caught between them and it's such an overwhelming sensation that Kurt turns his head when Blaine tries to kiss him. "Can't even breathe," Kurt murmurs in explanation and Blaine nods, kissing down Kurt's neck instead.

Kurt's hands roam up and down Blaine's back, digging his nails in sometimes, mostly just feeling and knowing that Blaine is above him, Blaine is his. "Love you, love you." Blaine whispers the words against his skin what feels like a hundred more times. There's nothing else in the world to them, just the two of them, just the feeling of them.

All Kurt can do is whisper Blaine's name, over and over. "Gonna come," Kurt says as he feels the buildup. He doesn't want to. He wants it to last forever. Blaine's almost lazy thrusting, his gentle kisses against Kurt's neck, along his shoulders.

"Me too." Blaine sounds just as reluctant as Kurt does and he knows that Blaine feels the same. This moment is perfect. It's perfect for them. "Perfect," Blaine whispers, as if Kurt can read his mind and that's all that Kurt needs. 

His back arches and he moans Blaine's name as he comes, his fingers digging into Blaine's back. He clenches, tightens around Blaine and he feels Blaine thrusting, rougher before stopping. Kurt's name is more of a groan coming from Blaine's lips. "I love you."

Blaine half collapses on top of him. They can clean up in a moment. Kurt's arms curl around him and Blaine doesn't know if he'll ever move. "I love you."

**

Kurt smiles as he traces his name on Blaine's forearm, the color of the letters now a light violet. He had already checked his own arm and had been satisfied when he saw that the red was now violet as well. "Your dad is going to kill me, isn't he?" Blaine asks, cracking an eye open.

"Shit, I didn't think about that," Kurt says with a laugh, rolling closer to Blaine and pressing his lips to Blaine's cheek. "I guess it's no point to try to say that I was at Rachel's instead… Although if your parents will be home tonight I should just go home."

In response to those words, Blaine tightens his hold on Kurt, shaking his head, opening his eyes fully so that he can look at Kurt. "No. Never letting you go ever. Stay. Please. My parents will understand."

Kurt smiles, his heart pounding in overtime. "Are you sure? I mean-" He cuts himself off, looking at Blaine because yes, Blaine is sure. Blaine wants him there. It's hard for Kurt to imagine just how much Blaine loves him. Nearly as much as Kurt loves Blaine, Kurt has to remind himself. They love each other. "Let me just text my dad and let him know."

"Don't be too long," Blaine whispers, reluctantly opening his arms so that Kurt can stand up, going to grab his cell phone from the dresser.

Kurt looks back at him and the love is so evident from his voice to his eyes. "Never. You're stuck with me now. I love you."

Blaine doesn't joke, doesn't act as if he doesn't want it. He snuggles into the bed, arms still open so that Kurt can crawl back into them. "I love you and I wouldn't have it any other way."


End file.
